


everything, all at once

by ziodynes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, mild angst ???, post kh2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziodynes/pseuds/ziodynes
Summary: In moments like this, Riku found himself becoming acutely aware that these past experiences had whittled away a new side of Sora, had shaped him from the boy he used to be back when all they knew was their little island and the sky and sea that stretched endlessly before them. He thought about what Sora had said to him.I’ve got my share of problems, too.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	everything, all at once

When the darkness of night became too unbearable for him, Riku sought the comfort of their old playspots. He kept his ventures out here a secret from Sora and Kairi, but he was sure they knew of his sleepless nights when he showed up in the morning with dark circles and unkempt hair. Kairi always looked at him with that same quiet but knowing gaze, a gentle reminder that though she wouldn’t push him, she would be there whenever he needed a friend. For that, he was grateful, despite him feeling undeserving. 

Sora, on the other hand, looked at him like he was searching for something. And every time, Riku avoided his eyes until he and Kairi resumed whatever conservation they were engaged in before arriving at Riku’s door. It was easier like this, easier to act like before, to act like he hadn’t given in to the darkness and to ignore that _he_ was the one who had put everything in motion—that he was the reason things changed. 

He didn’t doubt his friends. He knew that if he opened up about this, they’d treat him with the unconventional love and care he knew they had in their hearts. Sora and Kairi were the most forgiving and accepting people he knew, whether others believed it was a blessing or not. He’d seen how Sora had accepted him, and when he recalled their conversation in the Realm of Darkness, Riku was overwhelmed with how fast Sora had agreed to stay with him, in that somber place with only each other, the moon’s reflection, and the silver water waning away at the dark shore to keep them company. 

Though he avoided it, Riku wasn’t exactly scared of their reactions. He just wasn’t sure he was ready for it, for them to see what went through his mind, for them to worry for him when he had already put them through so much. So despite his nightmares, his inability to look at mirrors in fear that it wouldn’t be his face looking back, he kept his problems to himself. And when it became too much, he’d roll out of bed, and take his father’s old boat out to their island. 

No one really came out there much anymore besides him, Sora, and Kairi. Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie had obviously grown up in the time that he and Sora were gone from Destiny Islands. Once Selphie had overheard them discussing plans to head over to the island after school, and she had laughed as if she couldn’t believe they still wanted to spend their free time there rather than on the main island at the local mall the students frequented. However, the three of them all had a connection to this island that they couldn’t explain to others. It was a reminder of where it all began, and a reminder that there were other worlds out there. With that reminder, came the realization that there were surely other experiences awaiting them, whether they wished or were prepared for them. 

Riku would walk across the small boardwalk, purposefully shifting his eyes away from the secret place every time. He’d take his place along the shore, watching the moonlight’s reflection along the sea. He’d listen to the lull of the waves, a sound that had once annoyed him, as if the ocean was confining him, but now brought him a sense of peace, a sense of familiarity. He’d think about that conversation he had had with Sora. He’d recall that stranger he’d met as a child. He’d wonder if he had found the strength to protect what matters now, though he doubted it. 

And when the sun was starting to rise, he’d row himself back to the mainland to get ready for school. 

As he awoke from another nightmare, hair slicked to his head from sweat, he thought this night wouldn’t be any different, just another sleepless night that was slowly becoming routine. Crawling out of bed, and tip-toeing through the house as to not awaken anyone, he made his way to the worn wooden boat his father kept on the nearby dock. His father hadn’t said much upon his return, chalking his absence up to some case of teenage rebellion. Riku had almost felt relieved. 

He rowed himself across the water. This too, calmed him. The action of the oars against the water gave him something tangible to do. The repetitive motions let his mind escape the visions that had previously been plaguing him. As he drew closer, he noticed there was another boat docked. He immediately knew who would be awaiting him ahead. 

Sora was sitting down on the sand near Riku’s usual spot, arms leaning back behind him. He looked up at Riku, eyes widening slightly before grinning sheepishly. “Couldn’t sleep either?” 

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Riku paused in his tracks for a second. It struck him that since returning to Destiny Islands, this was the first time that he and Sora were truly alone, with no chance of interruptions. The nervousness crept up on him, but he quelled it down. There was no need to be tense around Sora. 

“Haha, very funny.” Sora turned back to the water, so similar to the waves back in the Realm of Darkness, yet at the same time vastly different. Riku watched his smile slowly disappearing. In moments like this, Riku found himself becoming acutely aware that these past experiences had whittled away a new side of Sora, had shaped him from the boy he used to be back when all they knew was their little island and the sky and sea that stretched endlessly before them. He thought about what Sora had said to him. _I’ve got my share of problems, too._

He took his place next to Sora. The other boy turned to him, gaze soft. This time, Riku decided that he would meet his eyes. “Riku,” Sora began, “Is this where you go every night?” His tone wasn’t accusatory. 

Riku hesitated. He remembered Sora’s words, when he had admitted that he had wanted to be like Riku. And he thought about his own irrational fears—that somewhere, deep down, Sora and Kairi resented him for what he put them through. For how foolish he was, how easily manipulated. He wondered why Sora would ever want to be like him, when he had given in so easily. When Sora was the one who had saved the Realm of Light twice now, the one the Keyblade had chosen in the end. 

But, then he thought about how the longer he acted like things were okay and he could handle this on his own, the worse it would get. He knew that one from experience. And—Riku loved Kairi, he really did, and he was always thankful for her—but he knew if there was anyone who was going through something similar to him, who was feeling the same relief to be home yet disconnect from life in Destiny Islands, it was Sora; Sora, who had given up the safety of their home to go after him and King Mickey. 

Finally, he said, “It’s weird being back after so long, isn’t it?” 

Sora laughed. “Weird is an understatement.” The boy next to him shifted, and Riku looked at him curiously. Sora scratched the back of his head. “You’re not the only one who’s had trouble sleeping lately.” 

Riku didn’t say anything, hoping his silence would prompt Sora to continue. He watched the moonlight glimmer on the water the two of them had spent countless hours in as children, splashing waves on another and giggling without a care in the world. But Riku also supposed that even then, there were outside forces prompting him forward, forces beyond his control and knowledge. 

“I figured you might be coming out here at night. Usually, I just stare at the magic textbook Donald lent me from Yen Sid’s tower in hopes that I’ll stay awake.” Sora yawned, bringing one hand up to rub at his eyes. “Wasn’t working today, though.”

Confused, Riku asked, “Wait, if you’re tired, why are you staying up?” Sora froze at this, and Riku feared he may have said something wrong. Before he could voice his concerns, Sora turned to him, away from the water. 

He took a breath. “Sometimes... I get scared that if I fall asleep, I won’t wake up.” Another laugh came out of Sora, but Riku noticed that his bottom lip was trembling. The moon cast a shadow on his features. “It’s stupid, right?” 

Something in Riku clicked. Sora was always so open, so honest with him. Riku thought that this side of Sora was one that not many saw. The image of the boy fast asleep in the pod in Castle Oblivion flashed through his head. Riku may have spent a year trying to control the darkness, monitoring the Organization and working tirelessly to help restore Sora’s memories but Sora had _lost_ an entire year. Though he had once been envious of Donald and Goofy, Riku now felt gratitude towards them for being there for Sora, for being there when he had awoken and supporting him and guiding him through the worlds. 

“It’s not. Not at all.” Riku let out a sigh. “I come out here most nights. When I get overwhelmed. When I start to think that maybe it would have been better if I had just faded into darkness.” He felt Sora’s hand overlap his own, and he tensed, before relaxing and continuing. “But you know, Sora, being out here does help.” The coarse sand and the ocean breeze that had once urged him to leave now grounded him, reminded him who he was. The two of them had been apart for so long now, but Riku could empathize with Sora. He could let him know that he wasn’t weak for this, for what he was feeling. 

If Sora was also struggling with the events of the past year, he hoped that the familiarity of this small island could bring him comfort as well. He hoped that he could share that comfort with Sora. 

Once again, he met Sora’s eyes. Riku thought about the two of them, Sora always chasing after him, even since childhood. Their sprints across the sand, their sword-fights that Kairi spectated, the laughs they shared and the glares he received from Sora whenever he edged him on—he thought about them all. 

He turned his hand, gripping Sora’s, and spoke, “It could help you, too. I don’t mind staying up with you.” Sora’s palm was slightly callused, worn from wielding the Keyblade. 

It was rare that Sora was silent, but Riku supposed that for as much as he knew about Sora, the boy who had been at his heels since they were toddlers, there was just as much that he had to learn. He didn’t want Sora to chase after him. Riku wanted them to stand together as equals, to step out towards the future with their hands linked and their hearts one. 

Sora gripped back. “I think I’d like that. We could invite Kairi out, too! Bring sleeping bags and marshmallows and watch the shooting stars... Pretty sure if Donald saw me now he’d cast Sleep on me and tell me I’m being ridiculous.” Sora laughed. 

They both turned their attention back to the shining sea that stretched before them, but the silence between them was easy, comfortable. Riku cherished it. He cherished what they had, and hoped for more. 

After a while, Sora broke the silence. “Remember when we used to beg our parents to let us sleep over here?” Riku snorted in response. 

“And you would throw a fit when your dad told you no.” 

He heard a sharp “Hey!” from beside him, and Riku realized suddenly how silly it was of him to feel any sense of anxiety about talking with Sora. The boy he’d known from childhood, who followed his heart and wore his emotions out on his sleeve. Another revelation—perhaps it was time for Riku to start following his heart as well. 

Sora looked up at him, smiling as per usual. “What are you thinking about so hard in that big head of yours?” His smile, adorably dorky and full of white teeth, hadn’t changed. What had changed was that it no longer met his eyes. 

Riku looked at him fondly. The clouds above had dispersed, allowing more moonlight to shine down on them and the beach. What had cast a shadow over Sora’s features before now illuminated them. As he inspected Sora’s bright face, he decided that he might as well start right now. 

Riku returned the smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” His heart skipped a beat. 

Riku brought a trembling hand up to Sora’s hair. He thought that maybe this is what their conversation in the Realm of Darkness could have been leading up to, before Kairi’s bottle came drifting in the water and they returned to these very same shores. Sora’s hair was surprisingly soft, despite its spiky appearance. 

Sora was silent, still looking at him like he was searching, like he did every morning. No matter what lay in his path, Sora always faced the world head-on. Riku became acutely aware of another fact—that Sora was braver and stronger than he’d ever know. He wished that Sora could see it in himself, too, one day. 

Just as he was considering retracting his hand and leaving this for another time, Sora raised his arms around Riku’s neck, bringing him closer. Like this, Riku could see the light freckles that dusted Sora’s nose. He could see the deep blue of his eyes, a piece of Destiny Island’s oceans and sky that he took with him all over the worlds. Riku felt the blush gathering on his face, completely aware of how ridiculous he must look with his wide eyes, shaggy hair, and red cheeks. His breath caught in his mouth. Another second went by before Sora finally brought his lips to Riku’s, closing the distance. 

Sora’s lips were slightly chapped, and they tasted faintly of the sea salt brownies his mother used to make him and Riku after they returned to the mainland from playing. At first, they both didn’t move. But then Sora leaned towards him, deepening the kiss, and Riku found himself, the both of them, melting into it. Riku was sure neither of them knew what they were doing—not that it mattered. They fumbled a bit, but then he tightened his grasp in Sora’s hair, wrapping his other arm around Sora’s waist, and everything seemed to come together. 

He didn’t know how long passed. It could have been thirty seconds, or a couple of minutes, Riku had no idea. As they broke away, Sora, still in Riku’s arms, now out of breath and red as well, Riku found laughter bubbling up within him. It erupted, and Sora looked at him strangely, before joining in as well. “Been wanting to do that for a while now.” Sora said after his laughter ceased. 

It was funny how some of the answers to his questions could be right in front of him the entire time, without him ever noticing. All he had to do was reach out and take hold of them. 

Riku was sure they’d have to address this, to talk about the feelings between them, their other concerns, and what lay in store for them in the future. But for now, this was enough. His chuckles slowly died out as well. He looked at Sora, with his unruly hair, black tank-top and red pajama pants, and thought that maybe some things in their life were allowed to be this simple. He leaned back down for another kiss. 

This kiss was shorter, but when they broke apart and Sora grinned up at Riku, Riku’s heart felt light. He thought that this time, Sora’s smile reached his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is the first fic i've really worked on + published, constructive criticism and comments would be appreciated!!! and thanks for reading :) 
> 
> also this is set in between kh2 and ddd idk if that was obvious or not.. i know ddd occurs like a week after kh2 so this doesnt rly make sense but *shrugs*


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